At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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