There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
