Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
