Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
