the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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