He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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