you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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