My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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