she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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