Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
