They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
