I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I deserve this hangover.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
