Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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