please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
