The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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