I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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