I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
