Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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