The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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