just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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