8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i would punch a child for taco bell
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
