They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
