Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
