2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Please, let me fuck your mom
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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