people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
