then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
