their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
