He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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