Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
