It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize