Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
