How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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