I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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