jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
