I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
