that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
