like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
