We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
