from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
