This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
