I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize