Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
