any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
