I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
