I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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