My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
