You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize