If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
