nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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