I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
