Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize