Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
