the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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