Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
