I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
