i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
