I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
