I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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