I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
