Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
