90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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