Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
