My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
