You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize