Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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