Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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