I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
