I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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