Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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