I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
