Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
