i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
