I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
