So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
